22 April, 2015

So, I just read that Michele Bachmann believesThe Rapture is coming, perhaps imminently, and that it is President Obama’s fault. Well, of course everything is President Obama’s fault, but… Wait a minute. I’m not exactly a New Testament scholar, but I have read it more than once and done some studying, and as I understand it, The Rapture (at least as far as true believers are concerned) is kind-of, sort-of a really good thing… it’s the moment when all those believers, whether living or dead, will be caught up together in the clouds to meet the Lord. So, assuming Ms. Bachmann, or as I’m guessing she probably prefers to be called, Mrs. Bachmann (none of those unholy feminist pronouns for her)… So, assuming Mrs. Bachmann considers herself to be a true believer (as she certainly professes to be ad nauseam), she shouldn’t be blaming President Obama for bringing on The Rapture… she should be thanking him. Shouldn’t she? I mean, he’s helping to get her to meet the Lord!

In a radio rant last week, Mrs. Bachmann railed about President Obama’s choice to negotiate with Iran to stop them from developing or obtaining nuclear weapons (which she, like so many other crazies conveniently forgets to mention was not done unilaterally, but rather together with the United Kingdom, Germany, Russia, France and China). And she declared that this negotiated treaty would in part be the cause of the fulfillment of the Biblical prophesy. “We in our lifetimes potentially could see Jesus Christ returning to earth and the rapture of the church.”

I know Mrs. Bachmann made it quite clear when she was serving in Congress that she does not believe in science, or history or common sense. But could it be she also chooses not to believe in vocabulary? Is it possible she thinks that “rapture” and “rupture” are the same word? I mean, I could understand a true believer being upset at something that would rupture the church. Could her whole rant be a variation on one of those old Saturday Night Live Weekend Update skits that featured Gilda Radnor as Emily Litella, the media watchdog who every week gave an impassioned speech denouncing some important issue of the day, only to ultimately learn she had based her rant on a wrong word (ie; “deaf penalty rather than “death” penalty), and would then sign off with a simple, “never mind”?

Or maybe not. Maybe what’s really behind Mrs. Bachmann’s concern is that she’s actually aware of how un-Christian her every public action and statement has been, whether directed at women, gays, immigrants or basically anyone who disagrees with her. If so, then her panic, “We are literally watching, month by month, the speed [toward The Rapture] move up to a level we’ve never seen before with these events,” could be because down deep (or as deep as she’s capable of being), she realizes that when The Rapture does come, she isn’t going to be one of the believers who gets to go up into the clouds and see the Lord… she’s going to be one of the souls heading straight to Hell for eternity. And if that’s the case, then, for her, anything that’s hastening the Rapture is a bad thing. A very bad thing. Even though it’s supposed to be a good thing. Damn!

And so when Mrs. Bachmann screams about the gays and the abortions and the liberals and the Iran negotiators, proclaiming, that “Any nation that accepts God and his principles is blessed, and those who push away are cursed,” is she really talking about the “evil homosexuals” whose supposed “sin” is mentioned a mere two or three times in the entire Bible? Or is this a veiled reference to herself, whose words and actions regularly contradict all the teachings that are at the very core of both the New and Old Testaments? Maybe her prediction that “We will suffer the consequences as a result [of turning away from God and his principles]” is not really a statement about what she sees for the United States, (as she claims) but rather her subconscious giving voice to what she fears will happen to herself.

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